You just keep messing up

So, you just keep messing up.

First, a word of encouragement: well done for coming here.

You are not alone if you’ve found you’ve made some bad decisions in the first few months at university. And you're not alone in the ache of guilt and dread that this brings.

Here is Martha’s story (name changed) of making mistakes as a new student and what the good news about Jesus speaks into this.

‘I arrived at university six months after my baptism.

Before I went to university I heard about students who arrived safely in the arms of the local church and the Christian Union. The kind who grow loads and go on to become church leaders and write books on doctrine. I knew that only some students from Christian homes continued to go to church once they arrived at university, while others lost their childhood faith and partied hard. The truth for me was that I did a bit of both.

I didn’t want to be "that Christian" who didn’t have any non-Christian friends and didn’t touch beer. So I decided I would join in. I loved a dance! I knew I had struggled with drinking too much in school, but I was baptised now so I thought it would be different. I remember arriving and realising that no one in my house was going to care if I got home too drunk or too late. They didn’t care who I dated. They didn’t care what language I used. It was terrifying, but also attractive. And my heart broke a million times as time and time again I was (foolishly) surprised by just how easy it was to sin. With the accountability of my parents taken away, I found myself failing to honour Jesus in ways that hadn’t been tempting before.’

Perhaps Martha’s story resonates with how you’ve found the start of uni. You feel like you’ve messed up, again. Before university you were confident you were not going to be that Christian student who turned up at church with a hangover. And yet here you are, in November and each night you tell yourself you won't go too far, but then you wake up the next day feeling condemned and heartbroken.

Before we sin the enemy lies to us, saying, ‘it’s no big deal’. Afterward, he lies to us by making us believe we have gone so far that we are now separated from the love of Jesus. Neither is true, but the lie feels so familiar.

The enemy says, ‘You’re too broken and too sinful. Jesus will surely have given up on you by now.’

The Word of God says, ‘There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 8:1).

One of the really difficult things about coming to university, particularly if you’ve left a Christian home, is having a layer of accountability taken away.

Friend, you are so loved. And so forgiven. ‘Christ died for us while we were still sinners’ (Romans 5:8). Of course we mustn't take grace for granted (Romans 6:1-2): we desire to live more Christ-like lives because we love Him and we want others to know Him. If you’ve landed here it may well be because you’re feeling the weight of your sin and you’re wanting to live for Jesus.

How do we move forward from here?

It’s easy to convince ourselves we can handle a situation. You keep telling yourself, ‘I know my limits’, but then stumble home again at 3am. Just to wake up feeling ashamed.

The Bible doesn’t give us such a naive version of ourselves: ‘The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?’ (Jeremiah 17:9).

Why is this helpful? You make promises to God in your mind. You dust yourself off confident that was the last time. But friend, our hearts are deceitful.

By God’s grace He has given us one another.

Perhaps you’re in a local church. Brilliant. Who can you speak to and entrust your struggles to? Not just retrospectively, but pre-emptive intentional accountability. You'd be surprised just how unshockable they will be.

Find someone who you give permission to ask you the tough questions.

This could look like: ‘Hi Joe. I'm feeling really frustrated with the mess in the flat. I'm about to go and do the dishes but I'm worried I might snap and be rude to a housemate. Please pray for me. And please ask me when I next see you how I have spoken to my housemates this week. Cheers!’

Or, ‘Hi Lauren. Going to a party this evening! Super excited, please ask me about it on Sunday. I'm committing to just two drinks.’

It could look like making practical decisions, like managing your money in a way that helps you to be generous. It may look like leaving your laptop outside of your room at night time. It could look like having a chat with that course mate you fancy to say you can't keep watching Netflix with them.

It's not unspiritual to be proactive; discipline and self-control are godly attributes. Put measures in place that will protect you from the moment when temptation may overwhelm you.

Living godly lives isn't what saves us. Jesus has done that. But He has freed us from our sin, and we can trust Him that He has released us into new life.

And before, during and after all of this, pray. And pray some more. Remembering all the time:

‘…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord’ (Romans 8:38-39).

And finally, keep sharing the gospel.

Martha reflected:

‘When I think back to university and what brought me out of this season, I realise now that it was sharing the gospel with my flatmates. Even though I felt like a total mess and was completely ill-equipped.

When my housemates asked me about Jesus, I realised how deeply I believed the good news about Him. I knew with such clarity in those moments how beautiful He is, and how their decision about Him was life or death. The more I realised this, the more I saw how wonderful He was not just for them but for me too.

I was amazed by Jesus all over again as I spoke with them about who He is and what He has done. I believed He was everything, but I wasn’t living like that was true.

I made a million and one mistakes after this. But it was the start of a turning point where my thoughts about Jesus and my living for Jesus started move towards each other rather than feeling worlds apart. A verse that was really precious to me at this time was Philemon 1:6, ‘I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ.’